A Quick Guide to Slow Parenting
In an epiphany rather like my own “fall from grace”, journalist Carl Honore recognised that it was time to slow down when he caught himself getting excited about discovering a range of 1 minute bedtime stories to read to his young daughter. This realisation sent him on a path that was to change his life. Through his books, “In Praise of Slow” and “Under Pressure”, Carl is now one of the chief spokespeople for the Slow Movement – a movement that encourages us to stop rushing through life and start savouring it instead.
While “Slow Parenting” may not be your final aim, it’s worth taking some time to think more deeply about what you truly want in life. For most parents, having the time to spend with our kids, to enjoy their company and help them reach their full potential are high on the list. To be able to tune into your kids enough to identify and nurture their sparks, taking life slowly, at least some of the time, is vital.
Kids operate at kid-pace. They stop and look at things. They choose to focus on what interests them. They live very much in the NOW. Knowing you can live at kid-pace too is incredibly satisfying and nurturing… not only for your kids, but for you too.
Here are some suggestions for helping you move towards Slow Parenting.
- Revisit your BIG dreams
Remember your lives BC (before child) when life seemed stretched out endlessly before you? What did you and your partner dream of doing, achieving, being? What about when you were a kid? What were your big dreams then? Sometimes we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle – taking whatever path that comes up next – we forget where we were intending to go. Did you dream of living in the country, running your own business, travelling around the world with only a backpack? All of these things are possible – yes, even with kids!
- Tap into your true desires
This is related to point 1 above, but is less about what you want to DO, and more about how you want to FEEL. Maybe some of those dreams are no longer your desires… you’ve changed, and that’s OK. Knowing exactly what your core desired feelings are, helps you prioritise, make better decisions and seek out more meaningful life experiences. I find Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map* is a great help… it takes a few hours to get through if you do it in one sitting, so make sure you plan some good, uninterrupted time to yourself. It’s worth it! *Affiliate link.
- Take stock of your financial situation
Do you really, really need to work the hours you are currently, or is this something that the business world has imposed on you? How many hours would you acually like to work? Are you working in a job that is paying a lot less than you are worth?Do you really need the big house in a trendy suburb with a massive mortgage, or would a smaller house in a different place (country, town, suburb etc) be more appealing, if it means you could spend more time with your kids? Are the local schools able to offer a similar standard of education as your private school? What else do you spend your money on? Do you always have to have the biggest TV, the latest smartphone, a computer in every room? Are you buying “stuff” for your kids to make up for your lack of time? Are you paying a fortune for outside activities, only to feel constantly rushed, driving your kids from one activity to another?
Yes, some families DO need two full-time incomes just to survive, and yes, if you’re a single parent your choices may be more limited. Only you can decide what is right for your family – but at least ensure your financial situation is a decision, not an imposition!
- Exercise your “NO” muscle
It’s important to remember that a lot of our busy-ness is self-inflicted. Think of all the things you have currently said “YES” to, when you really wished you’d said “NO”. Maybe you were too scared to be seen by your employer as lacking in ambition. Maybe you didn’t want to appear selfish or arrogant. Maybe you wanted to be accepted into a group or community. Go back to your core desired feelings. If something doesn’t make your heart sing, say NO.Remember, saying NO creates room for all the wonderful YES things! It will also exercise that muscle ready for when you need to say NO to your kids!
- Declutter your environment
If it’s not beautiful or useful, get rid of it! Sell it, donate it to the local op-shop, give it away to someone who would love it more than you do. Encourage your kids to do the same. You’ll be amazed how much lighter you will feel! And you probably won’t have to spend as much time tidying up!
- Be a Conscious Consumer
Choose quality over quantity. Ignore fashion trends and go for classics. Before you make a purchase, stop and think, “Is this really a necessity (e.g. Munchkin’s school shoes… every term!), or am I filling some kind of emotional need”? Say no to your kids’ requests for the latest trends (or get them to use their pocket money for them – they will quickly learn the value of money). Choose toys, games and art materials that will encourage their imagination – or better still, find things from nature or your declutter collection that you can use instead. Remember that this is all just “stuff”!You might also like to consider (and educate your kids if they are old enough) that all “stuff” has to come from somewhere, and that has an impact – on our natural resources, on the greater environment, on the people who manufacture it. Once you factor some of these into your decision-making you may realise you don’t really need it after all.
Let me get this clear, I’m not asking you to become reclusive, nature-loving, crunchy granola hippies in order to be good parents (although if that’s what rocks your boat, that’s fine too!)
Don’t feel you have to give up the career you love. Surround yourself with beautiful things if they bring you joy. Indulge in little luxuries now and then.
However, if you feel that life is rushing by at the speed of light, and you just wish you could Slow. Down. A. Little. – know that there is always, always a choice. Recognise that you have the power to live the life you dream about… maybe not right now, but soon… and start moving towards it.
Next up… Before you can nurture your kids’ sparks you need to nurture yours a little!
I am doing this type of parenting, basically because it came naturally to me. I want to spend as much time with her as I can. My parents worked and we spent most of our time outside of school at babysitters and then my dad died young so I don’t want my daughter to miss out on family time like I did.
We are slower than some,but too fast for me. I struggle to fit it all in, truth be told. I don’t want to give up some of life to enhance all of life. That’s why I’m a bit mad. x